ARTICLE : LIMBU WALE KAKA

 LIMBU WALE KAKA

 

LT COL NOEL ELLIS

 

25/IV/2022

 

Aur Kya chal raha hai? Yahan to Nimbu chal raha hai. Rather nimbu nahi chal raha hai. I wish these were the good old days where ‘Netas’ and ‘Netis’ would sit on the roads wearing malas of Nimbu to topple the government. Ms FM ji please do some ‘avantan’ of a few thousand crores for this dear sour friend of ours. Grapes ain’t sour anymore but Limbu has crossed all levels of sourness.

 

The desi method of finding out the degree of sourness is the wink which automatically gets initiated with the nostrils expanding, eyes half closed, the tongue hitting the back of the teeth, making a typical sound “chuck” with a shake to the head. The sentence which comes out tells you the ‘Khataas’.

 

You go to a vegetable vendor. His way of judging your ‘aukaat’ is very obvious. Moment, you lift one ‘yellow diamond’ as now it falls in that category, he shouts back, aap rahne do bhenji, bahut mehnga hai. It is a sure ‘chop-chop’ of the izzat you had kamaoed over the years. The tough looking shining SUV standing outside the shop, freshly washed by the ‘washing bhaiya’ looks pale, as you are dealing with someone who is a ‘Nimbupati’.

 

Still to satisfy your ego, the ‘selective eyes’ start sifting. The green ones are rejected straight away. The ones which have those small brown patches are an absolute no-no. Out of the big yellow ones, you pick up one and look around if the shopkeeper or his helpers are not watching and bring one to the nose. Just to enjoy the lemony smell which has become a rarity.

 

On its way to your nose, you press the nimbu several times and then turn it and press it again to see its juiciness. It is the same nimbu which had been squeezed by all those before you and they left it in the basket and picked up a rather firm one, as if this one would have no juice left.

 

The vendor knows as he watches with a keen eye and says Bhenji, we have a few here on the counter, please don’t torture the ones lying in the display. He has a point but how can old habits die hard. When your ego is hurt you say, ‘Mujhe nahi lene’ and walk on to the ‘Tarbooz section’. One big green watermelon weighing five kgs is far cheaper than four small roundels costing the same.

 

It is the same way you try out ‘deo’ in the mall where it is clearly written, ‘DO NOT TEST’ in bold & capitals. One just can’t help spraying one whiff on your suit and then say sorry-sorry, galti se dab gaya. Madam why did you take off the lid in the first place. Secondly unless deliberately pressed no vapours get release. You test them because you forgot to do ‘Chussssssss’ to your favourite Deo before leaving home.

 

The ‘swayam rozgaar nimbu pani wala’ on the street on his handcart is Berozgaar now. Though he would keep his matkas full of chilled water. The pitchers nicely covered with green cloth, the neck of the ‘gharas’ lined up with mint and a string of nimbus under his garden umbrella. He would occasionally sprinkle water on all his wares and wait for customers. Even the regulars now avoid him as if he was selling ‘lassi’ which the government is ‘gholoing’. The glass which was a boon for the ‘Loo’ now costed forty bucks instead of five. To drink or not to drink turns out to be the big question.

 

In restaurants the coveted Nimbu has been removed. The waiter tells you that they have Nimbu flavoured handwash kept next to the sink. The bar tenders have been given strict instructions, that no drink will be garnished with a slice of lemon. If the client insists, he or she has the liberty of giving an additional 30ml free. But Nimbu is off the bar menu. The salt lacing the rim of ‘Bloody Mary’ glasses is now being done sans the Nimbu. What a state of affairs we have reached!

 

The luckiest are those who have the nimbu bush growing at their homes. They are the richest and people are jealous as ever. The auntie who used to distribute nimbus from her tree so freely has engaged a security guard. Some even moved their CCTV cameras to the bush as this yellow fruit is far rarer than the yellow metal which they have at home. Raids are being planned to pluck the fruits. This nimbu has given so much tension, it is difficult to explain.

 

One remembers a little girl called ‘Aarvi’ very fondly. She would call me ‘Limbu wale Kaka’. Once she had come home and we were chit chatting in the garden. My Lime Bonsai was in full josh with lots of fruit hanging around. I didn’t know how to engage that little bundle of joy so I plucked one and that’s how she christened me so. While moving out from our previous house we presented that pot to her for remembrance. God bless her always.

 

This ‘Nimbuda’ has caught every Indian’s attention. Though there are alternatives but no one can take away this privilege from me to be called as ‘Limbu wale Kaka’. Doesn’t this title make me the richest man on this side of Ganges? I wonder!!!!!!!

 

JAI HIND

© NOEL ELLIS