LIMBU WALE KAKA
LT COL NOEL ELLIS
25/IV/2022
Aur Kya chal raha hai? Yahan to Nimbu chal raha hai. Rather
nimbu nahi chal raha hai. I wish these were the good old days where ‘Netas’ and
‘Netis’ would sit on the roads wearing malas of Nimbu to topple the government.
Ms FM ji please do some ‘avantan’ of a few thousand crores for this dear sour
friend of ours. Grapes ain’t sour anymore but Limbu has crossed all levels of
sourness.
The desi method of finding out the degree of sourness is the
wink which automatically gets initiated with the nostrils expanding, eyes half
closed, the tongue hitting the back of the teeth, making a typical sound
“chuck” with a shake to the head. The sentence which comes out tells you the
‘Khataas’.
You go to a vegetable vendor. His way of judging your
‘aukaat’ is very obvious. Moment, you lift one ‘yellow diamond’ as now it falls
in that category, he shouts back, aap rahne do bhenji, bahut mehnga hai. It is
a sure ‘chop-chop’ of the izzat you had kamaoed over the years. The tough
looking shining SUV standing outside the shop, freshly washed by the ‘washing
bhaiya’ looks pale, as you are dealing with someone who is a ‘Nimbupati’.
Still to satisfy your ego, the ‘selective eyes’ start
sifting. The green ones are rejected straight away. The ones which have those
small brown patches are an absolute no-no. Out of the big yellow ones, you pick
up one and look around if the shopkeeper or his helpers are not watching and
bring one to the nose. Just to enjoy the lemony smell which has become a
rarity.
On its way to your nose, you press the nimbu several times
and then turn it and press it again to see its juiciness. It is the same nimbu
which had been squeezed by all those before you and they left it in the basket
and picked up a rather firm one, as if this one would have no juice left.
The vendor knows as he watches with a keen eye and says
Bhenji, we have a few here on the counter, please don’t torture the ones lying
in the display. He has a point but how can old habits die hard. When your ego
is hurt you say, ‘Mujhe nahi lene’ and walk on to the ‘Tarbooz section’. One
big green watermelon weighing five kgs is far cheaper than four small roundels
costing the same.
It is the same way you try out ‘deo’ in the mall where it is
clearly written, ‘DO NOT TEST’ in bold & capitals. One just can’t help
spraying one whiff on your suit and then say sorry-sorry, galti se dab gaya.
Madam why did you take off the lid in the first place. Secondly unless
deliberately pressed no vapours get release. You test them because you forgot
to do ‘Chussssssss’ to your favourite Deo before leaving home.
The ‘swayam rozgaar nimbu pani wala’ on the street on his
handcart is Berozgaar now. Though he would keep his matkas full of chilled
water. The pitchers nicely covered with green cloth, the neck of the ‘gharas’
lined up with mint and a string of nimbus under his garden umbrella. He would
occasionally sprinkle water on all his wares and wait for customers. Even the
regulars now avoid him as if he was selling ‘lassi’ which the government is
‘gholoing’. The glass which was a boon for the ‘Loo’ now costed forty bucks
instead of five. To drink or not to drink turns out to be the big question.
In restaurants the coveted Nimbu has been removed. The
waiter tells you that they have Nimbu flavoured handwash kept next to the sink.
The bar tenders have been given strict instructions, that no drink will be
garnished with a slice of lemon. If the client insists, he or she has the
liberty of giving an additional 30ml free. But Nimbu is off the bar menu. The
salt lacing the rim of ‘Bloody Mary’ glasses is now being done sans the Nimbu.
What a state of affairs we have reached!
The luckiest are those who have the nimbu bush growing at
their homes. They are the richest and people are jealous as ever. The auntie
who used to distribute nimbus from her tree so freely has engaged a security
guard. Some even moved their CCTV cameras to the bush as this yellow fruit is
far rarer than the yellow metal which they have at home. Raids are being
planned to pluck the fruits. This nimbu has given so much tension, it is
difficult to explain.
One remembers a little girl called ‘Aarvi’ very fondly. She
would call me ‘Limbu wale Kaka’. Once she had come home and we were chit
chatting in the garden. My Lime Bonsai was in full josh with lots of fruit
hanging around. I didn’t know how to engage that little bundle of joy so I
plucked one and that’s how she christened me so. While moving out from our
previous house we presented that pot to her for remembrance. God bless her
always.
This ‘Nimbuda’ has caught every Indian’s attention. Though
there are alternatives but no one can take away this privilege from me to be
called as ‘Limbu wale Kaka’. Doesn’t this title make me the richest man on this
side of Ganges? I wonder!!!!!!!
JAI HIND
© NOEL ELLIS
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