CHANGE IS INEVITABLE

 CHANGE IS INEVITABLE

 

LT COL NOEL ELLIS

 

21/IX/2022

 

            There is a ‘Kavaid’ on to change a lot of things of the Raj to something ‘Indian’ in the Armed Forces. It is being discussed at the highest levels in the ‘South Block.’ What will be changed to what is circulating as puns on various WhatsApp groups already. Change is inevitable.

 

            The first thing that comes to mind is ‘Parade Saavdhan.’ I asked google to give me the closest meaning of the word Parade. It gave me ‘Jaloos.’ Not bad. Parade looks like a jaloos only and its participants ‘jaloosi.’ If jaloos is given to google to translate, it says it is a ‘procession.’ A parade is a procession of sorts. So, the ‘Jaloos Nayak’ will have to live with it. The real Nayak may be called a ‘Khal Nayak.’

 

            What will happen to my Battalion’s name, if things must be Indianized?  Firstly, the concept was borrowed from the LAT & HAT Regiments (Light Anti-Tank and Heavy Anti-Tank) of Pakistan). Will it be disbanded, as they are dushman number two, one being China. I think it would be spared, as we are working on the names and traditions of the Raj.

 

            We already call ourselves ‘Satrah Mech.’ So, it would be Satrah Yantrikrit Paltan or Vahini. What about Recce & Support? It would be a tongue twister, Poorv Parikshan Avam Samarthan. Then they added super specialisations of ‘Tracked’ (Patridaar) and Wheeled (Pahiyedaar) to it. How simple!

 

            Reconnaissance is basically getting the first ‘Khoj-Khabar’ of the ‘enemy,’ that is why we call ourselves ‘The Seekers.’ We are Khoji’s of kinds. Now the battalion has radars. They are the first responders to enemy advance and report their movement to our ‘Sanchar Sampark Soochna Kendra,’ for the ‘De danadan tukri,’ the ones that are going to destroy the enemy to react.

 

            We had a tough time when our Vahini was just born. CO Sahib Bahadur used to take a ‘Darbar.’ It was he and he alone who would sing ‘Rag Darbari,’ which was so painful to the ears that the cacophony could be a pain somewhere down below. Later, it was changed to ‘Sainik Sammelan’ and once a month. The routine though remained the same.

 

The Sainik part was alright, as we all were ‘desh ke sipahi’ but that ‘sammelan’ used to last from dawn to dusk give or take a few hours. Sainiks had to request for a break, not only to ease themselves but to Phooko a Biri or two to recharge for part two of the marathon session.

 

Dinner nights were another pain and could be given a thought to be discontinued. Instead, we could have ‘Preeti Bhoj’ in Kurta-Pajama or Mundu-Kurta.

 

The bugler would not have to play the “Dress call” or the “Mess call.” You ask the bugler what he played? He will not know, as he was trained to play a particular tune at ‘quarter to eight pm’ and the second one at five minutes to eight.

 

If you were lucky, you got a boneless piece of chicken. The struggle with a bony piece could only be admired, before it jumped to the opposite side in a vegetarian officer’s plate. A fork and a knife were weapons which facilitated that leap. Enough of Kanta-Choori.

 

One would wait for the ‘COs piper’ to come in. A glass of ‘Thoolo Rakshi’ was presented to the already ‘drunk’ piper. His ‘bellow bag’ would not fill with air, if rum was not filled in Pancham’s tummy, our ace piper. Not a chord would go haywire once a few large were in.

 

We also dreaded the ‘Dinner-Nights’ (Ratri Bhoj-Ratri) during Administrative Inspections (Prashasnik Nirikshan). The Inspecting officer was not dreaded that much but it was the fear of this officer ordering mobilisation (laambandi), as it could be called now.

 

‘Laambandi Abhayaas’ was practiced many times by my paltan as part of training. It was too OG (Olive green) (Jaitooni Hara). One knew by now that “chauda nabbe cheyasi pachapan” (Army number of a sainik) will not forget anything which he has to carry for battle but would definitely forget ‘shakkarparas’ which were made as the emergency rations. The inspecting officer always had that uncanny knack to check him, of all the people. Let us have some better emergency meals now.

 

I am not sure if these changes will be done to the names of all Russian vehicles. ‘Ta-Nabbe’ sounds very Indian. Honorary (Avaitanik or unsalaried) ranks are lined up to go, I heard. No one liked to be called as Unpad Lance Naik, the one who was promoted out of turn.

 

What will happen to the Corporals & Sergeants of the Air Force, not forgetting the ‘Petty Officers’ of the Navy. Admirals, Generals and Air Marshals better watch out, as you would be the guys suggesting names for your ranks too?

 

 What will we call the Hussiffs and Jerrycans? I wonder!!!!!!!

 

 

JAI HIND

© NOEL ELLIS