MR & MRS TIKTOK

 

LT COL NOEL ELLIS

 

08/VI/2025

 

It is that time of the year when pest control has to be done at home. Not for any other reason but for the cockroaches which had been hiding in the dark dungeons of the underground pipes decide to air their differences by slipping out of the drainage covers to explore the world above.

 

I was mentioning to my wife that this year their size is quite small. Generally they are two inches plus, but this year they were not even half the size. Later that I realised these could be baby roaches, who followed their moms and could not trace their way back when danger lurked.

 

They just roam around, twiddle their whiskers, walk around like ‘Dons’, open their wings and try to fly sometimes. Yes, sometimes they do get into bins and storage spaces, that is when things start getting disgusting. The “kitanoo” or germs they carry is a big concern.

 

One solid ‘whack’ and it turns turtle, trying to swim upside down with its legs waving in the air as if doing shadow boxing. A newspaper, a fly flap or even a slipper is an ideal weapon to do the honours. Our story starts beyond the shikar of these vermin.

 

These cockroaches are a favourite food of “TikTok the Chameleons” who have made their office in our garden. Their home is across the road on an Almond tree. My wife scoops these insects and brings them to the front veranda. Just behind the car, is the ideal place to feed TikTok.

 

I am not sure how they know that breakfast has been served. Out of nowhere, TikTok appears and gobbles down the reddish brown, half moving, upside down meal. Is it by instinct or they just know?

 

This morning the score of our hunt was just one. The morning newspaper was used by my wife to clobber it and immobilise one. That was handed over to me to invite TikTok for ‘Bara Khana’.

 

The ‘dead body’ of the roach was picked up by its whiskers and laid on the parapet. Why not capture the sequence of action and I got armed with my ‘Hathiyar’, the camera.

 

While sipping a cup of tea and watching over this cockroach, I must have blinked a little too much and it disappeared. Could it be a bird which could have swooped and taken it away? Sparrows and bulbuls love munching on cockroaches. I missed the fun.

 

Just then I saw something wriggling in the flower bed adjacent to the stone parapet. It was time to investigate. There was Mr Roach, who would have waited for the coast to be clear, turned over and ran for dear life. It was injured, so it was trying to hide under a plant and I saw it.

 

With the tip of my shoe, the poor thing was trampled upon and incapacitated once again. After all, I had been ordered to serve it to our friends who keep our garden pest free.

 

Before I could take another sip, down came Lady TikTok from her hiding place and made an appearance on the tree trunk. Her eyes as I could make out were focused on a hefty meal. Just as it was about to descend, a morning walker, more interested in what I was doing passed by. This scared the lady, which rushed up the tree and disappeared.

 

Moment that morning walker passed by, ‘Our lady who changes colours’ ran down the trunk, jumped the gap to the parapet and caught the roach in its mouth. If the lady came could the husband be far behind?

 

Following close at her heels was Mr TikTok. He was a bit on the heavier side. Ms TikTok just turned to one side as the husband approached her and tried to snatch the roach. The size of the roach was a little too big to fit in her mouth. It half dangled outside. She was not in a mood to spare that juicy morsel, so he had no choice but to run ahead to see if there were more cockroaches around.

 

The morning walker returned. This was Mayday for them. They scooted across the road to the Ellis’ Garden and hid amongst the pots. They are quite vulnerable there, as cats, kites and kingfishers eat them.

 

All's well that ends well. Mr & Mrs TikTok crossed over to find shade and more food for the day. My cup of tea had gone cold. I finished off what was left in the cup in one gulp and moved home, just to check under the kitchen sink if there were some more. There weren’t any.

 

How does TikTok know that there is a meal in the waiting? I wonder!!!!!!

 

JAI HIND

©® NOEL ELLIS