WHICH TOOTHPASTE DO YOU USE

 

 

LT COL NOEL ELLIS

 

13/XI/2025

 

Many of us are ‘dental hygiene’ freaks. I am to the extent that the teeth should shine and look whiter every time I brush. Given a choice, I would avoid the brushing effort. In the last 60 years plus, they haven’t changed an iota, except slipping to the “paler shade of pale”.

 

The best way to whiten them is to try new tricks. Not like the good old days when mom would give us “Bandar Chaap Dant Manjan”, that orange coloured powder which left its inedible colour for days on end. Some days, she would say ‘raakh’ (wood ash) is best or even grind charcoal into a very fine powder for whitening.

 

Her final “nuska” used to be “Namak and sarson ka tel” concoction which we used to rub reluctantly. Nothing worked.

 

We are of the vintage when there was the most hated paste for kids called “Forhans”. It was so “pepper minty” that the mouth was set on fire. Even the smell was too much like toothpaste. The closest alternative was Binaca or Colgate.

 

Given a choice we used to prefer Binaca for two reasons. Firstly, we could visit our CSD to pick it up and secondly, there used to be a plastic toy which was a collectors item. It was packed inside a tooth paste packet at random.

 

We were a little privileged, as my father’s colleague used to look after the canteen in school. In the afternoon, once the turn for the hostel boys used to be over, we day scholars and their parents could fetch items of daily needs.

 

We would insist on Mom to buy a Binaca later Cibaca which she detested. She was a Colgate fan. She would reluctantly allow us to buy one, knowing full well that she would be using it. Those days, nothing was thrown away.

 

“Sir ji” would take our help to restock, rearrange and reset the canteen for the next day. That was our time to make our kill. We knew where the carton of toothpaste lay. While he was busy with customers, we would open toothpaste packs quickly till we found one with a toy and hand it over to mom. Yessssss…….!!

 

While at it, the ‘Parry Toffee’ tin was always open and handy for uncle to hand them over instead of ‘change’. We would stuff our shirts with hands full of them. He used to check our pockets. Inside our tucked shirts we used to move the toffees to the back.

 

Now, after retirement there is nothing much to do. The best way to kill time in a mall is to check the toiletry section. It is not a surprise that these days they have tooth pastes with charcoal, salt, oils, cloves, orchids, lemon, herbs, and you name it. I pick the latest one.

 

The latest being a ‘Close up’ called ‘fire and freeze”. It neither fired, burned nor froze anything. Who coined the ‘type’ and who tested it to do what it is supposed to do in the mouth, God only knows.

 

Many claim they kill 99% of germs. I doubt they even kill 20%%. It is when you brush and spit out the ‘Jhaag’ froth, the germs after being suffocated jump out from where they were hiding in the mouth.

 

I remember my visits to the ‘Fauji Dentists’. The dental section used to have no rush, soft music playing, magazines to read and air conditioning to chill. The doctor would check, clean, drill, scrape, and make you ‘fit’ dentally for your annual medical inspection. What a relief it used to be!

 

The ‘dental hygienist’ would write P1 or P2. For an army chap it meant Priority One or two. I hope it never meant “pyorrhoea” stage 1.

 

I still remember the name of the last fauji dentist called Capt Amarjot Kaur. How I remembered her name till date was that all the time her name plate kept peeping through her apron so close to the eyes.

 

One day, I had to visit a civilian dentist. What a swanky outfit it was. The dental seat was like a super luxury chair in an airline. His assistant was a young lass who had even worse teeth than mine.

 

He inspected my teeth and declared that my dental hygiene was poor. My jaw was ‘teda’, my fillings were giving away, three teeth needed root canal treatment, two needed extraction and replacement. Hello! Why don’t you just change everything inside instead.

 

After he did the job my purse felt so light. I had lost a few teeth. Few stopped aching. Couple of them were capped. He recommended ‘Sensodyne’ toothpaste. I used the ‘Baba Ramdev’ brand instead.

 

Teeth are sensitive. Some have withered with age. The other day, I picked out a small piece of a tooth while eating dal. I thought it was a small stone.

 

Which toothpaste do you use? I wonder!!!!!!

 

JAI HIND
©® NOEL ELLIS