These days pest control has become an important part of our daily lives. Though cockroaches and mice do not scare us, their occurrence in the house gives an uncomfortable feeling. Their mere presence appears that the home is unhygienic. Of course, they spread diseases, which is not an acceptable thing.
As the summers started to peak in the Sun City, these vermin found their way out of the dungeons and holes.
Cockroaches must be feeling the heat inside the gutters. The most adventurous kinds make their way up through drainage holes and explore places which they hadn’t tread before. The brown and winged creatures, with long whiskers, are trampled upon the moment they are spotted. A hit with a chappal is instinctive, but these guys escape.
Though the “Nau Tapa”, which is an annual phenomenon of extreme heat in the Thar desert, these guys find refuge in homes where adequate food and water is available.
Be that as it may. I shall talk about another kind of pest control. Such pests also need elimination.
Once, as an administrator of a corporate company, someone called me. The lady introduced herself that she heads a ‘pest control company’ and would like to get into an AMC (Annual Maintenance Contract) done at an exorbitant price but with 100% guarantee. To get them off my back, we exchanged mobile numbers with an understanding that if we need their services, we shall revert.
This lady gave my number to her assistant in her office who started pestering me every day. “Sir, when will you give us a chance”. I was just getting used to the civil way of life having retired from the Army a few months back. In fauj, a no meant a no, as straightforward as it could be. But this ‘pest’ persisted.
I kept thinking of how to get rid of her. Then one day, I decided to give this lady a shut-up call differently.
She rang up at her usual time. The same conversation, but today, I was very excited to engage with her. In that conversation she claimed that you name a pest and they will ensure that it won’t trouble us again. I confessed to her that we have two solid pests.
One was GM HR and the other VCMD (Vice Chairman and Managing Director) of the company. This lass could not catch on my pun. “Don’t worry sir, we shall not disappoint you”. Now she was in my trap. I told her to come with her team on a particular day at 11 am sharp. I reminded her that I am a fauji and punctuality is my virtue.
She called me at 9 am to confirm the address. I gave her a vague address of Thane as our branch office. My office was in Worli, Mumbai. At 11 am sharp she called that she was in a general area but could not locate the office. I told her to come to the 15th floor. For a good two hours, she and her team tried all ways to find the address. I kept giving her imaginary landmarks. In between, her boss gave me many fanatic calls. Luckily, there was no google maps.
That girl got fed up. It was the month of May and said sorry sir, we could not locate your address. I had a hearty laugh and then the company never called. Good riddance to their pestering marketing strategy.
There is another pest where we stay. This man who talks all cock and bull but is stinking rich and deals in real estate. He had just rented a house in our neighbourhood. As a good neighbour we warmly welcomed them and opened our doors. But then there is a limit. When you start invading our privacy, it gets on your nerves.
Then to tell him that he is not welcome anymore, I would meet him on the road itself. “Colonel Saab chai nahi pilaoge”, was his typical way to come and sit in the house and then leave at lunch time. “Nahi Saab, pest control chal raha hai”, I would mention. That man was a flower plucker also. We had to stop that once for all.
Twice or thrice, this happened. He used to wonder how much pest control one does. “Aap nahi karate pest control? “Hamare ghar to nahi hai cockroach”, he would reply. “Lucky ho, hamare yahan to bade-bade nikalte hain aur ghar main ghusne ke baad bahar nahi jate hain”. He didn’t get the pun either but then we exchanged Hi’s and hellos on the road only. Soon that pest understood why we were getting pest control done so often.
How do you take care of such pests? I wonder!!!!!!
JAI HIND
© ® NOEL ELLIS
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