SCENE AT ELLIS’ RESTAURANT

CHILDHOOD GAMES

LT COL NOEL ELLIS (RETD)

03/IX/2018

In kindergarten we used to play a game in which all of us used to sit in a circle on our haunches. There used to be one “denner” and with a kerchief. This child used to run outside the circle while we sang a rhyme which went like this, “I sent a letter to my father and on my way I dropped it, someone came and picked it up and put it in his pocket”. This child with a hanky had to on the quiet drop it behind someone who had to be alert, pick it up and run to catch the denner. The political scenario in the country presently is like this only, dropping the kerchief of blame behind someone and run.

One used to pick up weaklings of the class and drop the hanky precisely. Slowly, as you got to know the class, you knew who will sleep off, who will dope it out, who is a good runner etc so you manipulated your game accordingly. One took calculated risks and played on. Finally, one used to wait for the period to get over so that one could run to drink water and move for the next class. Another day, another game, at least today it’s over. The state of discussions today is like that. Anchors select such “targets” who they can flog left, right and centre.

One is SUBMIT PATR (Submit the letter). This person is on every news channel like someone has dropped a letter behind him & he has to quickly get up and catch the denner. He will start off in his never ending monologue and sermonise everyone on the history, civics, botany and chemistry of the political issue. If he can’t catch the denner he will create a ruckus and irritate the other fellow. He is like the railway diesel engine which is never switched off till it comes back to its shed after a minimum of a 72 hour run. Even if it has to stand and wait for hours, the driver will keep the engine on. It still intrigues me that if a truck can have a starter then why this railway engine can’t have one.

This man has another problem called the “slow running”. His RPM (Revolutions per Minute) is way above the normal and keeps fluctuating as if someone is revving up the throttle when the vehicle is static. Instead of that regular purr of an engine it keeps backfiring which becomes a nuisance. He is someone like when you are in your car, a truck comes and stands right next to you with its exhaust shoved in your face and the driver keeps pressing the accelerator. It is difficult to express that feeling.

Then there are people like Dayal saab. Poor chap is beaten black and blue every day on every channel. He is like the weakling who wants to play but invariably gets a hanky thrown behind his butt. Before he can react the denner comes and beats him nice and proper. At the end of the day people needle him so badly. Surprisingly, he has not suffered a heart attack. I hope these news channels have a cardio ambulance standby, as one of these days someone will kick the bucket in the studios for sure.

The pitch and tone of our childhood rhyme we sang never changed. Our “sur” was like a “fata baas”. So is the tone and tenor of all the TV discussions. Worst is those who interject. They are like those perpetual honkers, who will stand behind and keep blowing their horn, which actually has no meaning accept frustrating you. Many a time one feels like showing them the middle finger and tell them to mind their own business.

Well, there is so much of airtime being wasted making an issue out of a tissue. Many people have now become BP patients, both on the panel and those listening to such debates on the idiot box. The cacophony is like as if a coconut is being scrapped over your head or someone is filing your brains with a “Mill Bastard” file.

Be that as it may, I feel like “submitting” a formal “patr” & beg the human rights wale bhai saab to become more “dyaloo” on people of this “Republic”. You guys are diesel engines running for no reason and it’s high time you need to be switched off. Please stop honking uncontrollably & also stop shoving your exhausts in our faces. I would suggest that you guys mature and stop playing those childhood games. Do you guys want me to “send a letter to your father” to stop fooling us by diverting, deflecting and trivialising even non issues? I wonder!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis