VIP VISITS

 VIP VISITS

 

LT COL NOEL ELLIS

26/IX/2023

 

One has been used to ‘inspections’ and ‘visits’ by Senior Officers in the Army days. From Prime Minister downwards to Army Chiefs and Army Commanders etc.

Spit & shine, geru-choona, paint & suttar, starch & march, everything was ‘fine tuned’, ‘polished’ and rehearsed.

‘JA-SAALE-MER’, Jaisalmer was the place. Every VIP wanted to see the ‘Sonar-Kella’ before seeing the operational area. Operational briefings were the COs prerogative of which we had no clue, I am not sure if he had too (in the lighter vein). We ‘The 2Lts’, had to be ‘clued up’ about tourist destinations there.

Youngsters were ‘working party commanders’ of the Officer’s Mess. The Mess party had to be top class, without any FUs. From practices with waiters & pipers, from tasting food, to placing a flower arrangement, to pasting naughty posters in the ‘Adam’s’ washroom and a flowery kind in the Eve’s, (the ladies checked all conveniences on purpose), to concocting a ‘pink gin’. A 2Lt had to be a ‘har fun maula’, omnipresent, a baby sitter et al.

Baking of cakes in ‘family quarters’ by unit ladies on generators used to set the tone. People were sent on errands depending on the ‘turn around time’, carrying anything from flower to flour.

Once, Jaisalmer ran out of chicken. The Supply Depot could not even provide those ‘old layer hens’. An officer was detailed to get a few dozen chickens, because the VIP loved eating chicken, even if the officer had to go and get them from Pakistan. The border was closer than Jodhpur.

A man was dispatched to get enough chicken, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. When he got off the train, someone had stolen the ‘broilers’ from under his berth. Poor chap was sent back to get more or never return. Chickens did come. The VIP didn’t eat ‘Non-Veg’ on Thursdays. What a blunder in knowing only part of his eating habits. 2Lts got ‘chicken legs’ for the first time in unit’s history unlike the ‘chicken necks’ he was left to eat with.

Our ‘Gaon Boorah’ tried to teach us a ‘time-tested formula’ for “How to look after a Senior Officer”? “Jadon senior officer muh khole, chicken di lat pa do…. Je hore vadda khole taan dooji vi pa do”. It didn’t work on that visit.

VIPs ensured that the unit was always on its toes. We the ‘Pip Squeaks’ used to have a ball. If you were made his ‘Liaison Officer’, chances were that you had a ‘Staff Car’ or COs Numero-Uno Jeep/Jonga under your belt. The COs driver, who looked down upon you, had to open the door for you.

Menus were meticulously planned. Ladies would suggest but the cook would shake his head as he won’t have a clue of making ‘chicken-a-la-foos’. The battle of the palate was fought between Indian and Continental menus. Who won, was what the cook could make.

The cook never new the difference between ‘chicken korma’ & ‘chicken rogan josh’. You ask him kya banaya? Chicken banaya saab. Menu main to korma likha hai. Kya farq parta hai saab, kis ko pata kya kha rahe hain. Sahi pakre, I said!

In continental, everyone homed onto the time tested with onion soup. Russian salad with a combination of egg or vegetarian cutlets were main course, followed by Chicken/veg mayonnaise. For us, ‘left overs’ were devoured by the ever hungry young men.

Dinner nights were actually ‘bhooka nights’. You just finished soup and it was time for dessert. It was better to stand in the kitchen and supervise. Someone like me had to keep an eye on the COs piper also, before he had too many tots and played the wrong notes.

Sometimes, the family of the VIP accompanied him. One would be lucky if he had a dainty daughter. One dance was reserved with the LO. A privilege denied to many.

Noel, hope the VIP is happy, CO would ask in a whisper! Yes Sir. Have a drink on me, sure sir… hick. Even Adjutant would say ‘tathastu’ to every demand. A man with one pip was a King for a day.

Sometimes such visits became a pain also. Every tourist place was known to you including the guides. Even the camels at ‘Sam’ sand dunes started recognising you. They would hang their tongues out and blabber at you when you called out their names. VIPs would be so impressed.

Pipers would spruce up their bagpipes. Jazz Band would turn the paltan deaf practicing. RP section would clean the lanterns and paint the ‘night signs’ afresh. Lots of work would go in.

Today, while I was visiting the market, I found a fountain which generally never worked, throwing water in all directions. Most of the roundels (Chowrahas) were glistening with pink and white lines. Police, Traffic police, Home Guards were lined up. People were cleaning the roads and removing sand accumulation. Why didn’t they use industrial vacuum cleaners instead? I know why.

Hedges were being ship-shaped. Banners were being erected. Water was being sprinkled. Pot holes were being patched up. Road side hawkers were being shooed away. Everyone was smarty turned out. Kaun a raha hai? CM Saab, said the traffic policeman and signaled me to move on.

Imagine if one VIP can get the civil administration to spruce up the town, it would look beautiful always. Why can’t they do it daily without a VIP visiting? I wonder!!!!!!!!

 

JAI HIND

© ® NOEL ELLIS