CHATAK CHARLIE

 

I had the proud privilege to attend the “Defence Services Staff College” in Wellington, Nilgiris in TN, way back in 1999-2000. I am not sure how I got nominated but this much was sure that I had worked very hard to get in.

 

On arrival, ‘C’ Division was allotted to me. It was almost like an isolated island, down in the dungeons nicknamed ‘Sri Lanka’. To reach the famous tea room which used to have our lockers, where we were fed less snacks and more whites & was like climbing Mt Everest.

 

In the division we were further divided into syndicates. Suffice to say, my fellow ‘owls’ were way better read and erudite than me.

 

As luck would have it, my first DS or Directing Staff/instructor turned out to be Col GD Bakshi, VSM. My respect and reverence for him will always be there. He retired as a Major General having served in all sorts of terrains, commanded all sorts of troops with first hand experience of the war in 1971 and a counter insurgency specialist in J&K.

 

I remember missing out on writing VSM during my first written submission. I was told very politely but sternly to improve my ‘Minor SD’ because my ‘Major SD’ was pathetic.

 

SD is ‘Staff Duties’ and during those days ‘abvns’ (abbreviations) were the ‘fad’. Major SD meant the basics. Not writing his ‘decoration’ meant that I had committed a ‘cardinal sin’. I never forgot that lesson.

 

I am not sure why the Army was so particular about using abbreviations. You write one wrong and draw flak from all sides as if you were the most illiterate officer on this side of River Ganges.

 

Abbreviations were supposed to reduce the length of a word for saving time, ease of understanding and assimilation but they never realised that umpteen litres of whitener were used to wipe out our mistakes. It was more of a ‘cipher’ instead.

 

We had entered the age of computers then. The broken red lines under all the words you abbreviated looked more of an ‘eye sore’. God forbid, if you had the ‘auto correct’ enabled, all your hard work would then be marked in red by the DS. Sometimes his observations and corrections used to be lengthier and redder than the content you submitted for corrections.

 

I remember GDB asking me in the ‘breaking ice’ ceremony while we introduced ourselves for the first time. So, what do you do in your spare time Noel. Nothing much sir, I read fiction and if nothing else then be a ‘couch potato’ and watch TV the whole time. The syndicate broke into laughter. I established myself as a man with the humour nerve alive and kicking for the rest of the course duration.

 

I do not remember what Col GDB taught me, because staff work is of no consequence in actual operations but what I learnt during the course stood me in good stead when I was a logistics appointment with an Armoured Brigade from the induction till de-induction during OP Parakram. It was a tactician's dream but a logistician's waterloo.

 

What struck me from the personality of the Col, later Maj Gen GDB was his straight forwardness, bluntness, calling a spade a spade kind of attitude. He spared none of us. However, it was for our betterment.

 

A stickler for details, very meticulous and thorough. His vast knowledge about subjects Military and otherwise made him an excellent instructor. It was our bad luck that after the first semester he moved out on promotion. Good for him.

 

He was well known in the Army circles, unfortunate for me that I never got a chance to serve under him. He has authored so many books, speaks volumes of his competence.

 

After he retired, one day I saw him on TV as a defence expert. I felt so proud that here is a man who chiselled me during Staff College. Thereafter, there was no stopping him. Pakistanis shat in their pants if he confronted them on screen. His point by point rebuttal and baring the facts embarrassed the Pakis no end. But these were TV wars.

 

During the Kargil war, he got a ‘sand model’ created in a news studio. With a long black pointer in hand, mind you with a white tip, he introduced it and then went on to explain the terrain, its difficulties and how our operations progressed. Hats off to you sir. We always looked forward to those briefings.

 

I for one would always hide my face when it came to introducing a Sand Model. We had ‘jumping jacks’ who could do nothing better than introduce the model and then relax during the whole days discussion. Thinking they had won the battle of narratives. We used to call the ‘Chatak Charlies’ (CC).

 

This is a very commonly used term in the Fauji parlance, where a ‘Keen Kumar’ which is another term for someone who leaves no opportunity to enter a discussion with or without any knowledge of the subject and introduce ‘red herrings’ that even the DS used to tell him to sit down and relax.

 

Very recently, I heard the Gen use this term called CC for the one and only POTA. I loved it. He fits the bill and description of someone who has almost brought this world to destruction because he thinks he knows it all and has made a laughing stock of himself. I shall not get into that debate.

 

There is no dearth of CCs in this world. As they say, “Anjam e Gulistan kya hoga, jab har shakh par ullu baitha hai”. By the way, the ‘Logo’ of staff college is also the owl, as it is also considered to be the ‘wisest one’.

 

How many CCs have you encountered in your life? I wonder!!!!!!!

 

JAI HIND

© ® NOEL ELLIS