STOP POLLUTING
LT COL NOEL ELLIS
10/XI/2023
I believe that the Supreme Court
of India is going to give a verdict on the pollution levels in Delhi. One order
and pollution will be obliterated from India. I wish that magic wand works.
ISI agents from the neighbouring
country are actually responsible for all this pollution. They have deployed jumbo
air pumps which have changed the direction of trade winds. We all know, they
cannot stand our PM, therefore it is all the more prudent for them to use the
latest satellite systems built by their own ‘SUPARCO’ (The Na-Pak space agency)
to divert smoke and smell towards our capital so that decisions get fudged.
It was on a social media platform
stating that a UFO had been spotted in Delhi. The Airforce must have been scrambled;
I am not sure if they have war gamed fighting Unidentified Flying Objects. ISRO
must have diverted all satellites towards Delhi.
Airforce was unable to take off in
zero visibility. ISRO couldn’t take a photo because of thick smog either.
Government declared a holiday,
blaming it on toxic air coming from the neighbourhood. ‘PM’ not Modi but
‘Particulate Matter’ does not matter. For a daily wager, it is a square meal,
he doesn’t understand AQI.
Reporters from every channel
rushed to the general area where that UFO had been spotted. It was alleged by ‘their
sources’ from space that Aliens were allergic to the kind of pollution these
media guys have been spreading. Out of fear, reporters stayed at a distance. Someone
said, celestial creatures were planning to kidnap a reporter just to understand
why they spew acrimony.
The ‘chowkidar’ there suddenly
became a hero. He was being interviewed by the media as a Hero. Aap ke nazdik
UFO aya, aap ko kaisa lag raha hai? He didn’t understand what UFO meant, thanks
to the Hindi of an English channel. To which a pure Hindi channel intervened
and told him about the ‘Udan Tashtari’. Aap ki kisi se baat hui? Kaise lag rahe
the? Kya baat cheet kar rahe the? Aap ko unki khirki ki chamkeeli light dikh
rahi thi?
Aap kitne bahadur ho? Hum aap ki
bahaduri sarkar aur poore desh ko batayenge. Aap ko ek medal milega. To which
that poor man replied, ‘arey bhai vo ‘colony ki pani ki tanki’ hai, aur us ki
stair case ki light jal rahi thi. Koi tashtari-phashtari nahi dikihi mujhe. Aap
logon ko pradushan ki wajah se galat fahmi hui hai. Channels could not take
that news off the air as they were live.
It was time for reporters to
cover the next story so they scrambled in smog to the Supreme court. There ‘Your
honour’ would finally tell the country how to get rid of pollution in Delhi. As
they sped in their vehicles, two of them collided due to poor visibility. Then
a spat between them ensued.
Oye, meri gari kyon thoki, dikhta
nahi hai kya. Teri gari to yahan thi hi nahi, kahan se a gayi. Teri mother ki
and father ki…… One said, tu janta nahi hai mera baap kaun hai, court kachehri
ke chakkar katega tu. The guy in the other car realised that this voice was
familiar and got out to clear the fog.
Sale tera baap hi hun, late ho
raha tha, aaj Delhi pollution ka case laga hai supreme court main, usi ki
sunvai ke liye ja raha tha. They both hugged each other and by then two more
cars rammed in their cars. I am not sure if the Judge saab is in hospital or
court.
Suddenly a child burst a
‘pathaka’. Then a rocket whizzed past. Judge
saab who took note of it. Not that it produced smoke, but it missed him by a
whisker. It was judge Saabs grand son. While he was embroiled in the ‘sweet
talk’, this naught boy emptied his whisky bottle kept in the car to fire that
rocket. The cracker and its pollution were not discussed but Judge saab was
annoyed because one his favourite whisky had gone down the drain. He would have
to request someone from the forces to replace it. Poor fauji would oblige, as
his case of ‘disability pension’ was also due for hearing soon.
‘Paraali’ se bitumen, hydrogen
and what not has been the claim of a minister. Are these tall claims or false
claims? One matchstick is required to burn a field which allegedly produces the
controversial smoke. Someone from the ‘Dankali’ forest, a cousin of the ‘ghost
who walks’ even read those smoke signals emanating from the plumes rising from
the smog moving towards Delhi. Reading was difficult due to extremely poor
visibility.
However, the smoke signals read,
‘STOP POLLUTING THIS EARTH’. Isn’t it ironical? I wonder!!!!!
JAI HIND
© ® NOEL ELLIS
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